Thankful Thursday...

Today I am thankful that we found a church that seems like a good fit for our family. We went to our very first church service since moving and we met a lot of amazing people just like us. There was a great mix of elders and younger couples, as well as families with children. I am excited to make it back again this weekend and incorporate church back in to a regular part of our lives.

I have great memories of church on Sundays as a child and the things I learned. I still remember my first Sunday School Teacher Miss Nancy and how she taught us "Away in a Manger" and I want that experience for our children. Something just warms my heart when I think about attending church and coming home to a nice family meal. It's just a small part of my idea of the American Dream.

Thankful Thursday...

Today I am thankful for Jake's work schedule this week. It happens few and far between but I am enjoying not having the alarm clock buzzing in my ear at the crack of dawn and having him around at least for breakfast. The irony is that he still gets home typically around the same time each evening/night BUT it still gives us more family time. And it's given me a some time to get some much needed things caught up around the house too which is always nice.

He does a lot for us, his little family. And I am always thankful for that. We make a heck of a team together, I'd be lost without him. He's hard work lets me do what I do.

Thanksgiving 2012

First off, I admit I suck at keeping up with things like those 30 days of thanks. Not because I am not thankful, because believe me I am. I am thankful for more then 30 things... But mainly because I get busy, pair that with no internet and well there ya go. I am at the mercy of availability of one laptop and a nap or a moment of peace. So all that being said how about I just put my list all in one place, right here? Works for me.

Here it goes: (In no particular order...)

A forgiving and loving God, with whom all things are possible.

1.) My children... My Godchildren who taught me how to love someone other then myself, and my own babies Addison and Blake who fought for their lives and teach me more about life and what's important then I could ever imagine.

2.) My husband and our marriage... We've had our fair share of triumphs and defeat but we somehow always come out on top. Together. Some days he makes me crazy, but most days he is there to lift me up and make me smile. He is our provider (and a darn good one at that). If not for him and the sacrifices he was willing to make I would not be able to do what I do on a day to day basis. I couldn't possible love him more.

3.) NICU Nurses, Neos, OBs and MFMs who don't play around and get the job done. Those doctors and nurses who took care of my tiny babies when my body no longer could. It takes a special person to do what they do. They see live at its most fragile, and their fair share of heartache too. The staff at UMMC and Mercy will always have a place in my heart.

4.) Our family, each and everyone of you has impacted our life greatly. Our parents who have been the pillar of strength and encouragement in our lives, my grandmother who is simply amazing and who I am very greatful to still have in my life. Sisters, Brothers, Nieces, Nephews, Cousins...all of you. What hasn't divided us has made us stronger. I am so thankful to have each and everyone of you in our lives.

5.) Advances in medicine, treatment for Cancer, the amazing medicines like Surfactant that played a huge role in Addison and Blake's survival. Steroids that helped Addison finally come of a ventilator (not once but twice), and steroids that I was given to help mature their lungs while in utero. I wouldn't want to know how they would have done without them. Antibiotics, I think between my pregnancy and the twins NICU stay we've tried them all. They were key in our survival. IVF and medicine that helped us get pregnant.Things that we didn't have 20 years ago, which would also mean I wouldn't have my babies.

6.) Amazing friends. Lets face it, I am tough to handle sometimes and I've got some pretty amazing friends who love me at my worst and help me back to my best. Friends that welcomed my family into their lives as if I was their own family. Friends that without a second thought offer to help us out on adventures when Jake is working, and keeps me from loosing a kid in the zoo or at the park ;) I can never repay you for that.

7.) My preemie pals. The group of mom's who has supported me and cheered us on, thru the NICU and beyond. They say it takes a village to raise a baby, they are my village.

8.) Preemies! (Not just Addison and Blake)...These fragile, tiny, fearless, amazing, courageous little people who show us the true meaning of life. Taught us to never take a single moment for granted  because in a moment it can all be gone. Taught us to celebrate even the tiniest of triumphs. Nothing is too small in the preemie world. I can certainly say that having two preemies of my own, I absorb so much more and notice the little things.

9.) My furbabies. Unconditional love and slobbery kisses and cuddles. That bark that possibly saved our lives when our neighbors hows was broken into months ago. And the exercise ;)

10.) Sleep. The fact that most nights Addison and Blake sleep 10-12 hours. And I still get a decent 2-3 hour nap during the day, when I can nap myself or take care of things that are sometimes hard to do with babies under foot.

11.) Our home. A house is just a house without a family to fill it with love. I am glad for the love we have within these walls and the amazing surrounds at our new place. So thankful for this opportunity.

12.) Jake's job. Yes his job takes him away from us for lots of long hours and several days a week, but it makes us cherish those moments together more, and gives us an opportunity to have the situation that we have now. This is the same employer who two years ago, gave Jake a lot of time and worked with him when our family needed him most. Because of his job and the amazing people he works with, he was there for every appointment during my pregnancy, to hold my hand thru the fear and uncertainty. He was able to be home in the evenings when I needed him most while on bed rest, and most importantly he was able to be there when the babies were born and that first week after. Not many employers would have been so understanding. I can never thank them enough.

13.) Our troops, who sacrifice it all to defend our nation and keep us safe.

14.) Cell phones....a modern convinence that can allow me to share instant updates on the babies and keep our family connected (Man that sounded like a commercial for AT&T, lol).

15.) My dad, who even though is no longer with us on earth, still impacts our life by watching over us and I can't help but believe that he still leads us in his own way. He taught me what hard work and sacrifice was about and sat the standard for the men in my life (I have to say that I think Jake is hitting that mark and beyond).

16.) Having just enough... Enough food to fill our bellies, enough money to pay the bills and keep us warm. Enough to be able to make ends meet no matter the circumstance.

17.) Memories. Pieces of my childhood, family that has since "went home", all things that warm my heart and remind me just how lucky I am.

18.) My Godparents who spoiled me rotten growing up and shared part in many of my life experiences.

19.) Addison & Blake's Godparents who took a vow to help us raise them right and shower them with love from near and afar.

20.) Playdates that allow Addison and Blake to interact with other kids, nurture and encourage their learning and growing.

21.) Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade... A fond memory and tradition that I get to share with my children. It's nice to have one constant in this ever changing and evolving world.

22.) Online shopping that allows me to avoid crowds at stores, and have bulky gifts delivered to our doorstep.

23.) Kindness of strangers. Walking into the mall and a person stops to hold the door for the BIG A$$ stroller lol. The receptionist at the doctor's office who goes above and beyond and offers to walk me to the car and load (at the time) two infants into their seats.

24.) Tears that cleans the soul and need to fall in order for me to pick up and move on.

25.) Being able to watch my daughter take her first bite of food, and then her second and third...etc. And knowing that as we gather around and give thanks today, she will share our dinner with us and finally all the pieces will be together finally.

26.) Heartache <---- who would be thankful for heartache, but seriously. It's molded me into who I am. Without heartache and struggles I wouldn't know how to appreciate what I have.

27.) Sunshine, because seriously, sunshine makes everything better.

28.) Wine & bubble baths - sometimes us mommies just need to relax.

29.) Miracles.

30.) Cuddles and "love yoouu" 's - I wanted a long time to hold my babies, and even longer to hear them cry, unsure in the beginning if we'd even get the chance. (I'll never forget the first time I heard the sound of Blake's fragile cry, that tiny little whimper similar to a kitten cry), and now to be able to cuddle with them in our bed, or on the couch, or anywhere we please. And to hear Blake mumble "Lub uuuuu" and Addison mumble "ub". True love. <3

I hope each and every one of you have a great holiday and take a moment to count your many blessings. If you are traveling stay safe...... HAPPY THANKSGIVING FROM THE PASCOE'S.

Happy Grandparents Day!

"Grandparents, like heroes, are as necessary to a child's growth as vitamins." - Joyce Allston

A very Happy Grandparents Day to our babies grandparents and great grandma (Mom-Mom, my Grandmother.) Each of them holds a special place in our hearts and have done so much in the last two years for us and our babies. We couldn't have made it without them. (Fun fact: It was Grandparents Day 2010 that we revealed that we were pregnant to our parents...different "date" but same "day", more on to come in a later post.)

My own Mom-Mom, a woman who helped raise me and mold me into all that I am. Wise and graceful, full of elegance and charm. She is strong, courageous and brave. And if you'd see her interact with her great-grandbabies you would swear she wasn't a day over 30. I love watching her sit down on the floor and play cars or babies or showing them how to make their toys play music. Or when she sits them on her lap and them climb all over her, and lets not forget those tender moments when they snuggle up with her and take a cat nap (or pretend to snore, because she showed them how). I'll never forget the joy in her eyes when she witnesses them do something new for the first time. The pride in her grandchildren and great grandchildren is always clear. Blessed beyond measure to have her in my life still and glad that our children have gotten to know her as well.

Jake's parents, Grammy and Pop-Pop. Two years ago we handed them a card on Grandparents Day, I think they half heartedly thought it was from their furry grandbabies, but SURPRISE, it was signed "Grandbaby " little did we know a year later their cards would read Grandbabies! Addison and Blake. Instantly they were placing bets on one baby or two, a boy, a girl, one of each and they have loved these two ever since. They way Addison and Blake smile when they walk in. The sly look Blake gives his Grammy, knowing he is about to get away with whatever it is he is plotting. The way Addison lights up whenever her Pop-Pop is near. How they sing them songs, or read them books and speak of days when Jake was younger and just how much Mr. Blake is like his Daddy. Lets just say we are in TROUBLE ;) if he follows his daddy's ways lol. You can tell that Addison and Blake are their pride and joy, especially when you make a surprise visit to Pop-pop's work and his co-workers know all about them, or his boss sends them shirts from the beach, or when you meet one of Grammy's long time friends for the first time who knows all about them too. They are loved, and as a child who grew up with only one set of Grandparents and Great Grandma, I never take a moment for granted. My babies are blessed to know their daddy's parents for sure.

My own mom and my stepdad, Nana and Pappy. How Blake and his Pappy are always into something and building forts in the living room or playing with a talking parrot on his cell phone. And how they both love Nana, in fact often Blake request "I talk Nana" and takes my phone. He does not give in until he hears her voice on the other end of the phone. I am pretty sure the biggest reason Blake loves his Nana is because of her ability to "Rock-a-bye-Blakey". One thing is for sure, whenever Nana and Pappy are around there is fun for Addison and Blake to have. I have to admit I am a little scared for all tech toys they will both want because "Pappy has one". That is ofcourse when Blake conquers his fear of things that move and make noise or when Addison understands that she is a little bit too big to ride on top of a remote control car. Things could have been a lot different but we are blessed to have them both in our babies lives too.

To all the grandparents out there, may you all know what a blessing you are to your grandchildren.

NICU Nurses

I recently read an article written by a NICU nurse about "Caring for NICU parents". (Read the article, and it's comments, here). In short the nurse talks about how all to often it's easy to loose focus of the parents and how they are "patients" too in some sort.

I think she did a fabulous job of reminding her collegues how important a parent's role in the NICU can be, and how important it is not to loose sight of the fact that "we" as parents need support and care to. Be it taking the time to help a mom hold her baby for the first (or 31st) time or reassuring them, when they call at 2am, that their little one is just fine. I have seen a small handful of nurses (and even doctors) who often loose sight and focus soley on caring for the preemie (which yes is their maing job, but the letting the parents play a role is HUGE).

First I want to say that I am so lucky that I personally didn't encounter mainy of these situations during our 153 day (total) NICU stay. Most of our nurses were absolutely fabulous and treated me with such respect and compassion. They often offered to include me in the care of Addison and Blake, be it taking a temperature, changing a diaper, or giving a bath. The nurses who had Blake and Addison most often became like family to us. I never felt like I was bothering them if I called 1 time or 25 times during their shift. And I always knew that the twins were in great hands if I couldn't be there. Those nurses made me that comfortable and made a very trying & stressful time in my life that much easier to get through.

Yes we did have 2 nurses who were my least favorite and always seemed too busy to be bothered. And both of them were removed from their care team. I sat in the NICU and watched a nurse tell Addison "Oh behave and stop being foolish" and ignoring her "High Stat" alarm instead of turning down her O2 for over 15 minutes while she checked her email and sent a text message. This was the same nurse who gave me flack for trying to soothe Blake and not immediately picking him up and cuddling him when he was screaming his head off and I was trying to make a bottle, and as soon as it was made I stuck it in his mouth long enough for him to settle so I could pick him up. (This was once Blake was discharged and we were visiting Addison.) She had the nerve to tell me "You wouldn't get away with that behavior if you were breastfeeding." Thank you, nurse who knows nothing about me or my children, for  reminding me yet again how my body failed me. I could not pump enough breastmilk to feed the twins and breastfeeding did not work. But thanks for critiquing my parenting. Plus cut me some slack, I was new at parenting and he had only been home for a day or two at the most. I was doing the best I could at the time.

And who could forget about the nurse who told me "Blake was drinking to slowly and I didn't have time to be bothered so I just tube fed him the rest of his bottle." NOT COOL, especially when we were working toward all oral feeds for discharge. He had been doing great for a day or two and suddenly "you couldn't be bothered".

There are ways to address parents. No you don't have to walk on egg shells but be compassionate and considerate. No way I could let that nurse continue to care for him. Unfortunatly due to staffing issues, we also had her the night before discharge, but I was staying the night with him. I walked in for the night and this nurse tells me. "He had a Brady last feeding, they aren't sending him home." My heart sank and I almost lost my cool. Instead I took a deep breath and asked to talk to the NP, I had already knew about the Brady episode, and he was coming home on a monitor, never once during the day shift was I told that wasn't happening. The NP was equally confussed and assured me that all things still pointed to homecoming and even informed the nurse of this. Thankfully from that point forward the night went smoothly and yes Blake came home the next day.

This is not to say that I haven't made a judgement call too quickly. I remember in the beginning of our NICU stay one nurse had Addison for several shifts. I was so frustrated because I felt like this nurse was just poking and proding at my fragile baby more then needed. As I came out of the haze of everything that as happening, I realized that same nurse who I complained about and felt like was "doing too much" was actually a HUGE player in Addison's survival. At the time I didn't realize just how sick Addison was and that this was all "needed" for her to survive. Once it all clicked, I felt horrible, just horrible. I will forever be greatful for this nurse, and even more greatful that she gracefully accepted my apologies and forgave me for my ignorance. Not only is she an amazing nurse, but she is a beautiful person for handling it all with grace. (P.s. if you are reading this, I am also sorry that my daughter is as stubborn as me and gave you such a run for your money those nights/days.)