Thursday, February 9, 2017

Brutal. Some days are just...brutal.

And today is absolutely one of those days!

It snowed last night which earned us a two hour delay. I was excited for the extra time with the twinadoes and even more please when our whole morning routine went smoothly. No tears, no arguments, we all walked out the door smiling.

We were about ten minutes early to school and waiting at the car rider door when things changed. Miss A jammed a 'ring' (in reality, it was the sight off of a pair of toy binoculars) on to her index finger and got it stuck.

Really stuck.

I tried sanitizer. I tried lotion. Being in the car, my resources were limited. Between her dramatic screams I noticed her finger was swelling and she said it was really sore. So - with school still not open, we buckled back up and headed to the ER.

An hour from the actual time of the incident the ER docs (all two of them!) finally freed her. Her finger was still in tact, albeit a little read and sore but we survived.

I don't talk a whole lot the inner workings at home any more, but reality is - some days parenting is hard. Some days parenting Addison is really hard. She's a very unique individual. With a complex and sometimes confusing set of challenges.

When she struggles, I (we) struggle.

Kindergarten has been a huge challenge for her. She doesn't learn like her peers, but she works her but off and we've got an amazing team - doing absolutely EVERYTHING they can do for her to help her succeed. And she is succeeding, at her own pace. Doesn't mean she's not struggling.

She's misunderstood. People look at her and look at me and think I'm nuts when they hear about her challenges. These people don't see the fights in the morning over socks that feel funny. Pants that tickle. Tags that are attacking her back. And don't even get me started on need to brush her hair. Nearly every morning there are tears. I can't fix things and make them not bother her. (Lord have we tried.)

I've never met a child more resilient, brave and strong though - because no matter how uncomfortable she is, she pushes through.

Still there are things she does not understand. I cannot even imagine how in a split second she got this silly toy stuck to her finger, how she ever got it over her knuckle to begin with or how she didn't think, "This isn't going on, maybe I should not push it."

Pieces don't always connect for her. What seems logical to you, me, heck even Mr. B - they're not so logical to her.

One thing I've heard over and over this year, with school is that she doesn't fit any certain criteria. She may struggle with one thing, but do great with another part of the same things, like letters. Her teacher gave me this example, when identifing letters - Addi could id the letter 'v', later during a writing assignment - she asked how to spell 'cave' and the teacher prompted her 'c...a...v...e....", she wrote the letter 'v' without having it pointed out to her. It's hard even for them to find the pieces.

I don't know how to accurately explain today, because it wasn't just the toy stuck to her finger after that. It all went down hill. She's been extra emotional today. Into everything. As in, cannot be left alone for a split second without doing something she knows is off limits.

- Much like the night she emptied all the groceries from the fridge and laid them on the floor. Because 'you're not supposed to put the grocery bags in the fridge and I wanted to help.' Except she missed the part about putting all the stuff back in the fridge, sans bags.

- Or the times she sleep walks and tours the whole house. Thankfully, most of the time, if I don't hear her, Remi does and lets us know.

Most nights, Addi (and Blake) find their way into our bed. I sleep horribly but, I know they're safe. Addison is usually wrapped so tightly to me that I know when she moves. So yeah, it sucks sometimes, but I'm ok with it.

We're all learning and adapting.

Yes some of it is typical 5/6 year old behavior. And it's ok. It really is. But some days are really really hard.

Today was one of those days.

When you have a child with any kind of special needs, it's hard for other people to relate. Hard for them to understand. And sometimes that comes across in odd ways. So, know I'm not being mean or rude when I say we can't do certain things or my kids can't have certain things. I'm not crazy, I'm not overprotective. I'm just the one who spends the bulk of time with them and I know their needs. I can usually predict their reactions to things. (Usually ;) ). My only goal in life is to keep them alive and healthy and happy. Nothing else matters. Really.

<3

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