Monday, December 31, 2012

Year in Review 2012

(And photo dump)...

2012 was good to us. We celebrate Addi & Blake's 1st birthday, our 5th Wedding Anniversary, Addison's Cleft Repair went well without any complications, Addi & Blake's Homecoming Anniversaries, Blake was discharged from Early Intervention (he's all caught up!), moved (again) into an awesome house in a different state, took a leap of faith and are successfully tube weaning Addison, got to spend lots of time with family and made the most of every moment together... WE SURVIVED AND THRIVED in 2012.

And probably the best part of all is that we will celebrate the new year with TWO healthy, amazing, smart, lovable children who will likely join us for snacks around 8:30 and will be in bed before the ball drops. And my equally awesome Godson who decided to spend NYE with is (I must be pretty cool to have have a 13 y/o who wants to still hang out with me, or maybe he just likes the babies lol). Oh and a visit from my Momma, Stepdad and Mom-mom too. Who knows we might even be passed out before midnight and that will be ok with me.

Here's to hoping that 2013 will hold just as much promise and joy. From our family to yours. :)

























Thursday, December 27, 2012

The truth about healthcare...

My rockstar tubie!

Nope this is not a political debate, this is simply the cold hard truth about "our" (aka this family of four's) healthcare.

When Addison and Blake were born, it did not take long for the healthcare bills to pile up. I am positive that by their 3rd week of life I got a EOB from the insurance company showing me what it cost for their first two weeks of life and what we would owe. I felt sick. For the doctors ALONE it was a few hundred THOUSAND, and then we'd have to pay a HUGE chunk of that. Would it be worth every single red penny they could drain from us... absolutely. But could we afford it? Absolutely not. We did not get pregnant thinking we'd have two preemies and large medical bills. There was no way to prepare for this. In total we spent 105 days in the NICU x 2 ... PLUS another 48 days for Addison (in which she underwent surgery). Can you imagine what that would cost?

I don't know how it came up in conversation with the hospital social worker but she referred me to the billing office who was able to help me with paper work for Medical Assistance. I didn't think we would qualify and I was ashamed. Ashamed that I was taking something from people who really needed it. I was in denial that we were one of those families who DID need it. I was mad that it even came to this. PISSED. And shocked when I got a call that we had been approved and they would be covering EVERYTHING that our primary insurance did not cover from the time they were born forward. Relieved because there was help. We weren't going to drown in medical expenses.

Because Addison and Blake were born below a certain birth weight, they automatically qualified for benefits. It had nothing to do with anything else. Simply a weight. We also later learned that in the State of Maryland, Addison would be qualified automatically until age 21 under "Rare Expensive Medical" because of her Cleft Palate. It would cover every surgery she may need for her Cleft Palate, and all of her feeding tube needs, etc... as long as we lived in Maryland. There are not many ( if any) other states that carry that specific program, so she no longer has that coverage.

Now, keep in mind the hubs works FULL TIME... a lot of time 80+ hours a week. He pays over $500 a month for medical benefits for his family, through his employer. Yes, I am grateful for that we have insurance. BUT... and this is a big one. We found out when we moved that.............HIS POLICY DOES NOT COVER ADDISON'S PEDIASURE, AND THAT THE AMOUNT WE'D PAY OOP after they pay for HER FEEDING TUBE SUPPLIES, is in short astronomical.

The representative at the insurance company informed me that according to his policy guidelines set forth by his employer, they do not deem it medically necessary. So the fact that up until we started tube weaning, her team of doctors deemed it medically necessary and made it very clear that there was only one thing that I could put through her feeding tube that would provide her with LIFE SUSTAINING NUTRITION, a certain formula, did not make a darn bit of difference. And it wasn't a matter of "we don't cover this, but we do cover this" it was plain and simple "WE DO NOT COVER ANY NUTRITIONAL FORMULA WHAT SO EVER, in accordance with the employer's provisions." And when I asked about an appeal, said that it was pretty straight forward and highly unlikely that it would be overturned.

So basically my husband busts his behind for this company day in and day out, pays a high premium for insurance and they won't cover "basic medical needs" for his daughter. But if Addison were back on Medical Assistance it would be covered in full. Something seem wrong with this picture? And let me tell you at $9.00 for a six pack of Pediasure (generic brand) that would only last 2 days... it adds up quickly. THIS IS THE SAME INSURANCE COMPANY THAT WILL NOT COVER BLOOD WORK FOR A RARE GENETIC DISORDER THAT THEY ARE TRYING TO RULE OUT FOR ADDISON BECAUSE THERE IS ONLY ONE LAB THAT CURRENTLY PERFORMS THE TEST.

Did you know that we are not alone? There are hundreds, thousands, of other families out there who are in this same situation. Someone in their family has a feeding tube and their private insurance will not cover the associated expenses. News flash the pump, the bags, syringes, replacement buttons...none of them benefit anyone if there is no "safe food" (aka formula or Pediasure) to put through them. And this isn't just an issue for feeding tube kids either. Kids with medically diagnosed weight gain issues (from prematurity, or other GI issues) need high calorie and pricey meal replacements daily to survive. Private insurance doesn't cover it for them either.

The silver lining in this is that we are moving away from tube feeding, but there are many families who cannot.  We are hopeful that in the coming days/weeks/months we will be transitioning to WCM (whole cows milk) and cutting out Pediasure all together, but reality is that we might have to keep one serving of Pediasure a day on board for awhile. One is better then three, and we'll do what we have to do. But I cannot bear to imagine the financial impact this would have had on our family if Addison were feeding tube dependent for a much longer period of time.

Why am I sharing this?

Because I think it's worth talking about and something that needs to be brought to the for front. It's the dirty little secret so to speak. This isn't the only flaw with our medical system either, but its one that hits home for us. And I am not pointing fingers either. I also do not claim to know the perfect solution. But I wanted my voice...Addison's voice, to be heard.





Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Product Rave & Feeding Update

Disclaimer: I have in no way been paid or compensated by the following companies for my views on their products. This is simply a non-paid review on items I have bought, used and love.

I think everyone has that "one" thing they cannot live without, that serves many purposes and can be used for a long period of time. I am am sure I have several... But tonight as I was feeding Addison her snack, I realized I one that is officially a "must have" for us.

This :


Sassy Crib and Floor Mirror

I got mine at Target when they were less then 6 months old. At the time we used it for tummy time, to give them a visual to distract them. We used it for tracking by moving it from side to side and letting them follow it with there eyes and head movement. Then for reaching and swatting at the lady bug and bee. They enjoyed it for many months as they learned to make facial expressions and entertaining themselves. And the most recent HUGE thing we've used it for... a feeding tool. You read that right. I use it with Addison to help her focus and distract her all at the same time. She is engaged with the baby in the mirror and I can encourage her "Show the Addison how you chew", "Show Addison how you drink". And she is proud to watch herself. If she refuses bites, I use it as a reward. "Tell Addison bye bye", "Take a bite and we'll see Addison".

And now here is your long awaited update. We are almost 2 months into this journey and a month and a week of that is tube feeding free. Knock on wood, for the most part, I have not seen any major regression which can be common. I do notice she has a day here or there were she isn't as interested in eating, but I can usually find a way to encourage her and have still get her to eat. On those days it also seems like she drinks a lot more which is ok, especially because on those days I give her more Pediasure to help compensate for those calories that she isn't eating. Overall her liquid intake is sky rocketing, we celebrated this by buying her big girl cups and firmly committing to straws. She now has cups just like Blake, except in pink and purple and butterflies. Yes I am excited about frilly cups, do not judge me lol, I've waited a long time for a really "sippy" cup for this kid. 

We started with a "Honey Bear" training cup... 

Honey Bear Straw Trainer Cup


(and then tried every other one imaginable), settled on a water bottle (open mouth top) and then I noticed that she was getting good lip closer and making sucking noises so we tried the Playtex Straw Trainer Cup 

Playtex Straw Trainer Cup


which we happened to have left over from Blake (and I may or may not have bought a pink and purple in those too). And are now settled on the Playtex Insulated Straw Cups 

Playtex Insulated Straw Cup




Playtex Straw Cups



These ones I like them for at home and/or on days when I feel like I've got to really watch how much she is taking in. The insulated ones are great for on the go because it keeps things cold longer, which is a must for Addison.

I have also been encouraging both Addison and Blake to fill their cups with water (from the fridge door dispenser), I've found that it makes them feel "grown up" and also makes them want to drink more water because they think they are getting away with something. 

My biggest struggle with Addison right now, is the fact that a lot of her meals are not at the dinning room table. I had set out to be a strict enforcer of all meals at the table, and we did great right up until we started really hardcore weaning her. Then it became a battle. I got better results if she were curled up with me on the couch watching cartoons, or if I was doing some crazy stunt like singing or playing with said mirror, and now even if she is sitting at their new picnic table they got for Christmas. I hadn't given it much thought to "why" this was a problem until I mentioned it to her OT. Then it clicked. She could be associating her high chair with a negative experience (that experience being the grueling feeding sessions that yielded little results while her feeding pump ran, and may have felt like we were trying to force feed or over feed her, or just the fact that that is where ALL her tube feedings happened). For some kids it's no big deal but for a "feeding issue" kid every.little.thing. makes a difference.

When she told me that I admit I felt bad that I hadn't considered it before that, but I vowed that I'd try her booster chair instead and see if that worked and have now made it "our" goal that we will have one meal at the dinning room table every day and the rest I will allow her and Blake to eat at the picnic table. Once we have this eating thing really under control and we aren't so focused on weight, I'll worry about moving them back into the kitchen. I will say that I am very grateful that Blake is so adaptable with this whole thing and doesn't seem phased by relocation of meals, I cannot imagine battling two of them every day (but at this point most days I don't even feel like I am battling one anymore GASP).

So for now our main goals for Addison are: 1.) Gain weight and have G-tube removed. 2.) Eat one meal a day in her big girl booster at the dinning room table. 


Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Happy Birthday Daddy...

To the greatest man I ever knew...
Merry Christmas & Happy Birthday. Only the best of the best can share a birthday with Jesus. I wish you were still here, on Earth, but I know it's best that you are in heaven. Where you know no pain. Where you can watch over us and keep us safe. I feel you around us everyday. I see you in the twinkle in Addison and Blake's eyes.

I love you Daddy.

Monday, December 24, 2012

Holidays Apart

As you gather with your family and friends to celebrate Christmas, remember that their are many who cannot do the same.

Our military stationed miles and oceans apart.

The tiny baby inside an incubator in the NICU. Those celebrating their 1st (for some even their 2nd) and/or their very last Christmas in the hospital.

Those who won't get to celebrate this year because they've gone home to heaven. The moms & dads who's arms and hearts are aching for the loved one they've had to say goodbye to too soon. The children (no matter how old) who's parents have gone before them.


It's the side of the holidays nobody wants to think about. But for everyone of us who complains or dreads their annoying Aunt Sally, who squeezes their cheeks, etc. there is someone out there who wishes they could trade places with you for just a moment. To be caught in the craziness that happens this time of year.

So please dear friends, I ask of you, take one moment of your day to pray for those who need it most. To my own near and dear friends and family, know that my family and I are thinking of you and praying. May you have just a little bit of peace and a glimmer of hope this holiday season.

To our military who have given up their holidays with their family so I can safely have time with mine. To those in other service industries (doctors,nurses,police AND even those providing "luxuries" to those in "need" aka "keeping the world warm") it's a thankless job sometimes but THANK YOU from the very bottom of my heart for doing what you do.

May each and everyone of our followers have a happy, memorable and safe Christmas.

Happy Birthday to Jesus!

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Two years ago...

12/23/2010 I was sitting in the high risk OB office due to some abnormal test results. That morning and the two days before were filled with worry. Our fears were erased that day and we had no idea what would unfold a month later.

That day was one of the happiest days of my life. We found out that day that "Thing 1 & Thing 2" were a GIRL and a BOY. I was overcome with joy and emotions. .

Just look how far we've come...

We spent the day celebrating Merry Christmas with our closest family. And Addison and Blake were once again spoiled. We'll likely be spending the next few days after Christmas and Santa's visit purging toys and saying goodbye to itty bitty "baby" toys, so we have room for all the awesome toddler stuff.

Thank you to all who helped us celebrate. I'd be lying if said my heart wasn't just a little heavy wishing my dad were here, but I am sure he is smiling down. And I am thankful for all the family I got to have near.



















Friday, December 21, 2012

Friday Fun

We had a busy/not so busy day.

First off, every morning we get up and have breakfast and then the fun begins. They are so fascinated by my camera phone, especially the self portrait mode. Addison specifically loves making all kinds of funny faces and such. Today they both wanted in on the fun.

I had some things I needed to do today, that may or may not have actually gotten done. Then we hit the grocery store. This was after dinner. When Addison had ate and ate until I was sure she'd pop. And as you can see she must have still been hungry. She fought like the devil to get food out of the cart and yelled ORGURRRRR over and over. And then I ran the cart into a whole display of Nutragrain bars and cause a huge mess. That I had to clean up, while Jake watched. Sigh.

Lastly we came home and I hoped they would go right to bed. No such luck. They are so excited about seeing BOTH of their grandparents that they were wide a awake at 10pm... The late nap probably did not help either. Finally we got them in bed at 10:30 and yes at 1:33am I am still awake. Don't ask.

What did you do today?