A year ago today, I spent waiting and wondering (and praying). I hadn't slept well the night before as all the what ifs ran through my mind. Jake and I did a lot of talking and made some pretty big decisions without even knowing what we were getting into.
We had chosen no matter what to decline the Amniocentesis. Anytime an Amniocentesis is performed it presents the risk for miscarriage, now matter how low the risk it wasn't worth it to us, the thought of loosing one or both or our precious miracles was just not possible. We had went through too much and come to far to risk it. We also knew that there was a possibility that the Genetic Counselor would probably try to convince us otherwise, as it is the only way (other then birth) to detect most birth defects for sure. It didn't matter, we would take whatever hand we were given and go forward.
The lives of our twins were a gift with a purpose and story to tell. We would let God decide what we could handle and I didn't want to spend the remainder of my pregnancy worrying about all the "what ifs". I wanted to blissfully and naively enjoy these moments. It's not the right choice for everyone, but it was our choice....
As I sit here today, I thank God for each moment we've been given and soak in the fact that God is good! The twins are living proof of that for sure. And while yesterday marked a "dreary" day in our past, in the present it marked a day of great joy. One of my good friends gave birth to her beautiful little girl, again proof that God is good.
Today I also pray for one of our NICU buddies who is 7 months old, has yet to get the chance to live at home with his family, and is undergoing Nissin/G-tube surgery today. I know what a double edged sword this was for us initially but I am so glad we did it now. I pray our little buddy will not have to endure what Addison did and that he has a very speedy recovery and is home with his Mommy & Daddy very soon.