My Blue Eyed Girl

Ok so this is just to stinkin' awesome not to share. I have been trying for a few days to get a good picture of Addison to show just how great her eyes look. I think I finally got one. TELL ME YOU SEE IT TO... the pic on the right. Do her eyes not look so much straighter????? I just can't get over it. This is almost two weeks post op. I couldn't be more excited. And of course the one to the left is way prior to surgery. I really didn't notice just how crossed her eyes were before. I mean I knew they were but seeing this side by side puts it in perspective.


Oh and I wanted to share because this is just too cute of Mr Blake...

That's all I got for today. Early morning tomorrow and an Fitness Friday update coming up too. Can't wait!

Just Another Day in Paradise

Had a fun weekend full of things to do. We went swimming with Grammy and Pop (and Aunt A & Uncle R) and then Sunday we joined our church officially. Of course being the super mom I am, I forgot photos of all of us. But here's these instead ;)

I bought them both goggles since we were going swimming and we needed to protect Addison's eyes. Yeah Blake was the only one who wanted to wear them

Funny story about these PJ's. We went to the store and I cannot go shopping without hitting the kids section. One of Blake's new favs is Elmo, and out of nowhere Addison decided she likes Elmo too. So we found this set of "two". We got these for Blake and girlie Elmo for Addison because she said "I wanna Elmo!"

When we pulled the PJ's out for bedtime, Addison insisted she needed to wear "Cookies!" So she is wearing the other half of Blake's set. A smart mommy would have just bought two of the same set. FAIL.

Here they are ordering room service with Grammy.

And one of my favs from our relaxing Friday, I love how Addison is looking up at me.

And her fav dolly that she has been carrying around for weeks now. The doll's name is Sissy (and that's what Blake calls her.) But she calls her "Bubba" (her name for Blake).

And um yeah... How stinking tall does she look her? I can't stand it.

Dinner and a Nap

It's rare that one kiddo wakes up from a nap (or in the am) without the other waking up too, or shortly after.

Today's nap time, only Addison was awake. I walked in to get her and was greeted with a "Hey momma".

We came down stairs and she ate mac and cheese (you know - the ONLY toddler food group). The minute she finished her Mac & Cheese she requested "Down" and ran full steam to the steps. What happened next was priceless "Oooh BABA, wake NOW!"

I tried to redirect her and promised I'd tiptoe up to make sure he was ok, but she needed to stay put. Apparently this was not an acceptable request because she started up the steps anyway. Demanding her BABA wake up NOW. Clearly she is in charge around here because in a gentle voice I heard Blake call out "Sissy."

He greeted us both with a small and said "Sissy waked up me."

Now Blake is enjoying his Mac & Cheese while Addison rearranges the pots and pans (and by rearrange, i actually mean removes every pot/pan/lid and hides them around the kitchen. Disclaimer for anyone who eats meals here, I promise you the cookware is cleaned before each use.) Occasionally she runs over to ask if she can have a "roni" and buzzes away quietly when Blake says "No Sissy."

The antics only continued while I tried to make dinner.. and throughout dinner.

Blake stole Jake's fork and informed him "Blake need bigger fork Dadda."

While Addison was full of conversation AFTER she performed in her "kitchen band" while I tried to cook. Cooking is always an adventure with these two, especially if I am alone or start before Jake gets home.

And what would be a blog post without some funny faces?

Now... Tell me. How do you handle meal prep with an active toddler (or two)? 

(Have you liked us on Facebook? Are you following us on Twitter? Trust me you don't wanna miss us!)

Join the Movement

Join the Movement is this year's theme for National Infertility Awareness Week (NAIW).

I am sure that every one of our blog followers know that Addison & Blake were conceived via IVF after we were diagnosed with both male factor and female factor Infertility. We had tried 8 rounds of a drug called Clomid with no success. "Success" = pregnancy. The Clomid did it's job, I ovulated - I just didn't get pregnant. (To read more about our journey, click here.)

My blog is probably the absolute BIGGEST way that I have broken the silence on Infertility, but Hubby and I also chose to be very open about our journey and our struggles. We shared our struggle with our family and friends. Even strangers. Having twins opens that door a lot, because many people question if they are "natural" or "do twins run in your family" and I can say that 99% of the time I am openly honest about how they were conceived.

Why?

Because advocacy, speaking out, and helping to remove the "sting" or "taboo" about Infertility is important to me. I want our story to inspire others who are struggling, to make that appointment with a fertility clinic (like Shady Grove Fertility Center) and to have the strength, faith and courage to take the next step. I want other families to now there are millions just like them who have been there, and had success. It's about support and spreading the word.

How can you help?

By sharing my blog, specifically this post or one/all of the others about Infertility and IVF. By Educating yourself and others about Infertility and the treatment options. Reach out to those around you, don't be afraid to ask questions (especially to those who are open about their struggle and journey) so that you can understand what they are going through. Support anyone you may know who is dealing with this right now. As well as standing up for and protecting the rights for woman (and men alike) as lawmakers try to create a change that can shake the whole Infertility Community. Be sure that when you have the chance to vote on healthcare topics that you know exactly what rights you are voting for and how they might effect someone who may need Infertility treatments.

For more information visit these sites -
http://www.resolve.org/infertility101
http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html

Feel free to ask me anything about our story - either in the comments or feel free to send me a private email at ijustcantthinkrightnow@gmail.com. And "Like" us on Facebook to learn more and receive up to the minute updates.

A Box in My Closet

There is a box in my closet, one filled with broken promises and memories I wish I didn't have to relive.

Inside I find maternity clothes that I cannot yet toss. Clothes I wore for just a few short weeks. The same clothes that I should have found too small by this time two years ago as my belly grew and Addison and Blake did too. Instead, I came home one day and tossed them in a box "just incase" hope let us try again. There is such a strong part of me that wants to just throw them away - along with all the bad luck they could bring. But there is a part of me that until today couldn't let them go.

That's not the only box I keep. There's the one with all the "history" in it. A story of two babies born too soon. The story of one little girl who many thought would never survive. A different story of a boy who is a miracle in his own right.

In that box I found their tiny footprints. And a report from Genetics. One that tells me there is/could be a diagnosis for sweet Addison. One doctor's haven't discovered yet. One that may not actually exist or perhaps just a fluke. Something that whispers "You may never know, and this is beyond your control."

That one piece of paper reminds me just how fragile her life is. And how far she had come already. A single piece of paper that ties me to the past and the fear of the future. I wish I could throw that away too, but I can't. It will follow Addison through life. And who knows... It may never be important, but rather just a reminder of how far she has come.

I didn't mean to take this walk today. A glimpse into the past. I wanted to walk away. I was just going to change out winter sweaters for warmer clothes, and file away more reports and progress notes for Addison and Blake. One look at those footprints and I knew I had fallen in. I didn't expect it to hit me at all. Perhaps I am not as "over it" as I thought. Or perhaps it's just the moments from the past few weeks that have made those emotions stronger. Either way here they are on the surface today. Doesn't make me weak, it just shows how far we've all come in the last two years.

For now I tuck the papers back in their place. I can hear her sweet voice on the monitor and I know she has made it another day. They both have. And for that I will hit my knees and bow my head. Thanking God for all of this. I'll wipe away the tears and go get my sweet girl and her brother who is now whispering "I go play outside," I will hold them tight for a moment before we run out the door to soak in the sun and fresh air.

I won't let these moments slip away.

Cleaning 101

This was too funny not to share. I am not sure how to feel about it, they are a.) sending me hints or b.) trying to help. I'll let you decide. Either way, I opened the bathroom do to find this...

I should also note that each of those things were located in 3 different places. So they made a point to locate all three and take them to the bathroom. I also spared you the picture of the toilet brush IN the toilet bowl. I've now ordered three toilet seat locks. 

On a totally unrelated note: Addison and I had a girls day today with my good friend J (one of the two friends that live in the same state hahaha), while the boys played at home. When I came home I asked Blake if he had fun doing boy things. I was then informed "I so embarrassed Momma." I did not push the issue further. I am not sure I want to know.

That being said - Blake would like to show you his fish face...

Addison update: She hasn't had any Tylenol or Motrin today and other then an occasional fuss, she is doing good. We are noticing she is having MORE trouble walking (balancing)  then usual and I notice her focusing on things more intently but her eyes are straighter (though this picture does not do it justice). And the redness is fading believe it or not.

The hope is that as she adjusts to having binocular vision her balance and everything else will improve. It's just her learning to see the world the "right" way. We'll see how she is in a week or two but I am interested to see how much her vision is/has impacted things. I also feel bad that the poor kiddo had singular vision all this time where her brain would sort of toggle back and forth only using one eye at a time to see. It's likely that her vision is the leading culprit behind her balance and struggle to do things like stack blocks and such.

Here she is enjoying an apple. And yes she is sitting on the kitchen counter. She actually helped herself to the apple and a cup of water. (I sat her on the counter while I was standing there, I didn't leave her side so no worries - there was no risk of falling.)

Today is also my Grandmother's birthday... She told us she just turned 20 this year lol. So happy birthday to Mom-Mom. I am so glad to have her in my life.

Tomorrow is church, (we are officially joining our church next weekend - so excited about that) and resting. Therapy on Monday and of course Jake is back to work then too. Wish me luck, it seems like the past few days have just flown by here and I think I might actually miss his company. I feel like some days we just don't get enough time.

What have you been up to this weekend?

Toddlers & Carseats

Addison has recently started doing what we call the "limp noodle" but another friend referred to it as the "gator roll" which I think is so much better fitting, for those who haven't witnessed this - it's a mix of the "noodler" "twister" and "rod" with a side of "grab the headrest of the seat in front and don't let go while screaming like it hurts."

Photo Source: ocmommies.com

I try not to laugh about it but lets face, it's pretty funny (unless I am running late, then it's a minor annoyance.)

Anyway - she did this today after leaving her post op check up, and while I tried not to laugh and calmly reason with her (really who reasons with a toddler...) she shouts "WINNING - I WINNING".

Yup that's all it took. She won. I laughed.

Oh and the post op check up went well. He is very pleased and said things look beautiful. For now she'll keep wearing the glasses, likely for another year, while her eyes heal and strengthen. Then hopefully she can ditch the glasses (not that we mind because she is super adorable in them but...) And we can already see a difference in her eyes and how straight they are. The only downside? The eye drops that she needs 2-3 times a day and the eye cream. She hates me and the drops. This will be an adventure when Hubby returns to work.

We (Addison) Survived

Surgery is over, atleast this one is. It's all in the past now.

A pre-op smile. She wasn't nervous at all.

And let me just tell you SHE TOTALLY ROCKED IT. It helped that we had such a fabulous surgeon too. I got to walk into the OR with her and rock her to "sleep" while singing to her (per the request of the anesthesiologist) - I tried to tell her I'd make her ears bleed but she insisted. Doing that though, gave me some peace with the whole situation. That and this message from an old collegue "Do not be anxious about anything, but in EVERY situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present, your request to God. Phillipians 4:6. All will be well He hasn't brought you this far to leave or forsake you now...praying for all". I needed that reminder at that very moment. We also got a call from our Pastor moments before we walked in to the OR and she prayed with us as well as set the woman's Bible study group on a prayer mission for us before Bible study begun. Addison sure is proof that prayers work.

Hanging with Daddy in Pre-Op

Heading to the OR...

As promised it was all over in about 45 minutes and I was able to go back to the PACU with her the moment she woke up. She needed a few minutes of blow by O2 while she came fully awake but once the anesthesia wore off her stats were back at 100, she drank apple juice and ate some apple sauce. Less then an hour later we were in the car heading home. The very best part of the whole thing was the moment she heard my voice she sat straight up and cried out "MOMMA". Holding her in my arms in that moment made all the world right. It only got better when they told us she was ready to go and sent Hubby and Blake for the car.

Cuddles in the PACU

And Blake, yeah he was a rockstar too. He was so very patience and so concerned. He kissed her and said "Later" before we walked away. Boy was he glad to have his milk cup and some breakfast too though. He was even more excited for lunch when we got home.

How can you not love that pouty face?

(Apparently Blogger hates me tonight so ummm yeah can you say GLITCH? ^^^ But ok it's cute so that makes it ok right?)

Do you see those chimpmunk cheeks? She doesn't even look like she had surgery!

I do have to confess a few things though. The first being that now that it's all over I feel like a crappy mom for ever even remotely doubting just how wonderful she would do. For letting fear take over. I know it's human but I still feel like I should have known she would do this well all along. Why? Because she is BIGGER, STRONGER, and the same BRAVE and FIERCE girl she has always been. The one that defies the odds. I should have known.

That said... I also need to confess how difficult it was to walk back into that hospital today. The smell, that scent of the hand soap. Walking down the same hallways. Having the receptionist put those same (similar) bracelets on all of us. Stepping into an OR that looked oddly (but wasn't) similar to the OR where I had my c-section. All of it brought back so many emotions and memories that I tried so hard to suppress. And it's crazier because we've visited the NICU there TWICE since the twins came home. It didn't bother me then. This is the same hospital where I stood and heard my dad's cancer diagnosis/prognoses and knew he didn't have much time. Life does come full circle, where one life ended - two more began. And today another chapter closed. Tides changed. I walked in to a hospital where two years ago we were on day 68 of Addison's 153 day stay and today I walked in for "same day surgery" for my girl, and walked back out with her in my arms. It's the peace I needed.

God is good. And we couldn't be more proud. Blessed to have such fine medical care at our finger tips and even more blessed to have such positive outcomes.

Pre-Op is Complete

We met our new Ped today, and I loved her.

She did Addison's Pre-Op and cleared her for surgery. All is a go. One more day! I'll be glad to be on the other side of all of this.

The Ped also encouraged me to call Addison's Gastro-surgeon about her g-tube site. It's not closed yet and on our end it's more of a annoyance then anything but she still wants us to have it looked at and get his opinion. She is hopeful that they may just be able to cauterize it and cover it with butterfly stitch, giving it a chance to close.

So that's where we are right now.

Thanks for all the continued prayers. I'll post a post op report Thursday or Friday depending on how Miss A does. <3

When I am With You

I recently heard this song on a tv show I was watching. It struck a chord with me and I wanted to share it.

If you haven't heard of JJ Heller - look her up. She has an amazing voice and her songs are pretty great. This one in particular sums up everything I feel about my loves.

What's a song that really resonates with you as a parent?

What ARE WE Doing?

There's been some fun things happening around here.

Off and on since the GI bug hit us, Addison's Gtube sight has been leaking again. Not a lot but, just when we thought it was closed. We do notice that citrus fruits or acid-y foods seems to irritate it and make it happen. We are keeping an eye on it and hoping for the best, but the other day I put some cream on it and covered it. Blake immediately said he needed a band aid for "Belly boo boo too" so as you can see, he is quiet proud.  (I hope one day Addison understands just how amazing this boy is. He is really the best little bro.)

We went to a ball game. Our friend's son is pitching for a local minor league team and was playing close to "home" so we went to see his amazing skills. Addison and Blake loved it, as well as the stadium food. 

After that we took a trip to Lowe's for a lawn mower (Hello Spring!) where Addison and Blake road in a fancy car. Ok we'll Addison drove. And at one point Blake decided to lay down and pretend to "nap".

And seriously who can resist this face? This face...scares me. Why? Because in that face I see a little man emerging. A man who will one day leave the nest and shatter my heart. A man so full of wisdom, charm and all that stuff. Yup - I am not ready for this.


So what have YOU been up too? 

A Sight for Sore Eyes

Thursday is THE DAY... we will place Addison's gorgeous baby blues in the hands of one amazingly talented doctor and his fabulous team. We'll pray, and wait patiently and hope for the very best.

The truth: I am freaked the heck out. It's so crazy.This is so SMALL compared to all she has been through. So tiny. Nothing she cannot handle, SMALL. Yet as her Momma - it feels so very BIG. 

I want so badly to be strong, and brave. Just like she is. And there are moments when I am. But then there are the moments when, well let's face it. I am not. Not even gonna lie. Those moments of fear and all that stuff, are...well...MORE, then those moment when I am strong and brave.

I am sure some of you reading this are rolling your eyes, or thinking this is so minor and that I am over reacting. But I also know that (fortunately? unfortunately?) there are a handful of our followers actually understand and get it. Right now. In this moment. This is my own "big deal". 

One day I hope Addison understands that I don't doubt her... no I don't. Not for one minute. I am not doubting anything about her. Or the doctors. It's just that I am here Momma. I am supposed to protect her. It hurts my heart to have to place her in the hands of surgeon after surgeon and know just how much pain she has felt in her life. And we both have prayed that one day she will understand that this is all to give her the very best possible chance at being all she can be. I pray she never resents us and understand this is all out of love.

Baby girl - you are amazing, more then you will ever know. You've blessed us in more ways then you can imagine, and you give me a reason to live. You've shown us true strength and courage. And defied the odds again and again. I believe in YOU. And I know you've got this too. One day when you are a momma, some of this will make sense. Though I pray your own children will never have to endure what you have. Just know that all of this is molding you in to the fierce, vibrant, AMAZING young lady that you will be. 

For the next few days, we'll likely cater to Addison's every need lol, and smothering her in love. Then Thursday will be here and we'll be home and she'll be running circles around us once again.

Hummus and Other Healthy Things

Yes I am about to seriously write a blog post about Hummus (and other healthy things). Why? Because I haven't been to the gym in over a week because I've been spending all my time working out outside, chasing the kids and running around pushing a stroller  and just to be clear the crossed out part... yeah that didn't really happen. But it sounded good.

Anyway I promised myself I'd get back on track this week. It's Tuesday already and well, if you are reading this... I am at the gym. There I did it.

Said -half eaten container of Hummus

But back to this Hummus stuff. One of my close friends has been rooting me on and giving me all sorts of great tips along the way. She hosted a birthday party for her son, and we were invited. She promised me Hummus. I promised I'd try it. Again. Because I tried it once before and I hated it. Turns out my taste buds have changed because, I am going to just say it. I liked it, so much that I bough a whole container at the store. We've had the container for two days and it's officially gone. I would however like to note that I was not the only one eating it because apparently Addison, Blake and Hubby all like hummus too. (Or as Blake called it... Carcus - Keep in mind this is also the kid that when reading a book about animals pointed to a rabbit and said "Yum Lunch" Also please note that I have not yet fed my kids rabbit, but Hubby does enjoy hunting so there's that.) They also like Guacamole, which I am not sold on yet, but it might grown on me.

This same friend also introduced me to some fancy bubbly tea. Something about brewing tea and adding flavored water. YUM. Minus the sugar. Then I was all "Hello why didn't I think about flavored water BEFORE now. Ya know, instead of soda. DUH."

Oh and last night's dinner was a Tex-Mex style fajita with grilled chicken, mango salsa and fresh spinach. Sooo I am slowly getting back on track. It was motivating to see some of the pictures that Hubby snapped at the park where I was off in the background. I can notice a little difference and that makes it all worth while.

Anyone in this journey with me? How are you doing with it?

Spring Has Arrived!

Enjoying the weather at the park.

First off, over the past few weeks I've heard lots of jokes about how the groundhog got it all wrong and where's the warm weather, etc. And while I am not exactly in any hurry for summer to get here, I am glad to see spring finally arrive. Minus the allergies that is.

One thing I have learned though, is that our new location could potentially give a whole new "fragrance" if you will to our home. The smell of cow poop. Yes I just typed poop. This is pretty much what happens when you live between dairy farms and the Amish. It's one thing to smell it while you are out for a drive, but it's another to open the windows in the house thinking you are letting fresh air in only to have about ten seconds before you are frantically searching for cause of this horrific odor. Sigh. Welcome to the country. ;)

Anyway  while we are adjusting to the new "fresh air" we took advantage of the warmer weather today and scouted out one of the many parks nearby. This one comes fully equipped with a fishing pier, horseshoe pit, TWO jungle gyms and a hiking trail. As you can see we had a blast. After Blake's initial reaction to having to share the playground with two other boys, one of which he was so kind to give a little push help going down the slide. (Relax, the kid was about to go down anyway and he just barely tapped him. The boy laughed and I apologized and explained to Blake we don't "help" other kids go down the slide.)

"I really have to share the playground. It's bad enough I have to share with Addison."

"Finally she lets me out of the house!"

Addison even took a swing on the big kid swings this time. Where did my babies go?

When we came back from the playground we set up shop in the back yard and gathered all the outdoor toys. Let me just say that I thought last summer was absolutely awesome with these two, but after today, I know this summer is going to be even better. And I love the fact that we have the space for them to run and play without being right on top of our neighbors door or worrying that they are too close to the street. Having room for all their cool toys is nice too.

Hubby and I both got a laugh out of Addison today because we recently found this really cool art desk for FREE, that someone was giving away, and it's been sitting outside waiting to be cleaned. Well I cleaned it today and moved it inside. But before I moved it in, Addison and Blake were mimicing us as we cooked on the grill. Addison had snuck off with a grill brush and would lift the top on the "grill" aka art table and flip her pretend food then go back to playing. It's so neat to see their little personalities at work.

Yes that is Addison with the hose, attempting to refill the water table, that she and Blake drained.

And no day outside is complete without a wash in the tub. I've gotten into the habit of drying Addison's hair with a hair dryer after baths (especially in the cold weather) and this is what she likes to do while I dry her hair. Tonight we caught her in the act.

Yes she is sitting in the bathroom sink. I don't discourage this behavior because it makes my life easier while I dry her hair. And no that's not a real iPhone. It's my iPod. Totally different.

Neither kiddo had trouble going to bed tonight. They worn themselves out. And with a little more sunshine we'll get to do it all again tomorrow. Likely minus the park because mommy doesn't to the park alone with TWO. But maybe I'll try on Wednesday if they are super good.  And for those asking WHY - I fear the park alone.... this sums it up best... Taking the Kids to the Park.